Being me is not all that great and most people tell me "I wish I was you," all I think is no you don't trust me if you knew what was really going on inside this big brain you wouldn't want to be in it... This is me telling what it's like to be me and how it sucks sometimes.
Being me is tough for the simply fact that I don't have my father here anymore to tell me that everything is okay and to actually feel like its true, anyone else can tell me that i mean yeah i'll believe you but I won't have that feeling like it will be.. I'm not trying to make it seem like oh i'm the only girl in the world that lost someone who means a lot to me because i know their are others out there exactly like me but its the way i feel so please don't judge me on the things i will say because all this is coming from the brain as i type :).
Apparently i can be very admired but a lot of people..Well mostly guys lol although i don't do anything for them to like or admire me; recently i had a few guy friends tell me how they actually feel toward me which i'm fine with because i rather them be honest then to lie about things. I just don't understand what i possible did to make them feel the way they do for me and since i just got out of a bad relationship like can you please stop lol... I don't want to be in a relationship now and probably for a long while and it makes it really complicated when they really are trying to be with me; i appreciate the effort but i'm really not looking to be in a relationship.. It kinda hurts me to tell them "i'm sorry but I just don't want to be in a relationship and i want to be just with me,myself and I."
I'm the type of person that doesn't like to hurt your feelings and put your happiness before mine but now its different, for the fact that i always put people's feelings before mine for so long and now sometimes get called self-fish because i decided to finally care about myself more than them. So would some of you still wanna be me? lol. I know probably to ya'll you would think "oh that's nothing and shes just complaining" but i'm not really because i been put through these things almost my whole life (while my life that i have lived so far lol).
My passed relationship was great at the beginning then eventually got worse but i'm not going to let that get the best of me and I won't let it change me for the worse but i did let it change me for the better. Meaning that i became wiser, smarter, stronger, and know what to look for in a person and how to escape. I'll probably write about it sometime but i can't tell when... God has brought me to hard times but he has never left me through them and he brought me through them, which they all taught me a lesson like for explain my father passing away taught me how to be responsible, emotionally stronger, and how to live without one of your love ones; how to keep moving on from where you are stuck in life. My other problem taught me things too but so did good things, they taught me how to keep a smile even when your going through something tough because there is happiness just around the corner... :)
P.S. I'm sorry i didn't get to what's all in my head but in my other blogs basically tell ;)
P.P.S. Check them out if you haven't love ya'll :)
God Bless :)
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